If I’m any sort of mind reader, I’m betting you’re reading this because you resonate with being an anxious mother. You want a solution to ease the stress of motherhood. Don’t we all? Better yet, you’re ready to empower your mind and transform your thinking. Let’s explore the depths of our thinking, reevaluate our mindset, and prepare for greater things.
I will preface this post by saying that this is not a one-size-fits-all post and may not be true for everyone. This is aimed at mothers who experience anxiety and want to self-reflect and progress. This is not and should not be taken as medical advice and anyone experiencing anxiety is encouraged to speak to a healthcare provider.
Shift Your Thinking: Troubled to Unstoppable Mom
Firstly, we’re not going to pretend that anxiety disappears with a wave of a magic wand. However, we can empower our thinking and take steps to achieve forward momentum in our lives. Achieving anything great takes practice, which also goes for our mindset. We will shift our thinking and regain order in our lives with the following steps:
- Get honest
- Self-Reflect
- Gain Control
- Prepare & Get Excited
Be a Less Stressed Mom Finding Purpose in Your Potential
I want you to think of a goal or an aspiration that you have. Something you want to accomplish in this lifetime. Are you wanting to get healthy once and for all? Do you want to earn a degree? Have you always wanted to learn to paint? Do you want to make a homemade dinner that’s not a microwavable meal? Have you been meaning to pull out supplies, blow the dust off, and do a craft with the children?
You know, that thing.
Dump the Anxious Mother “Hump”
That thing that perhaps you haven’t quite accomplished because the “hump” to get moving is too great. Or, you’re slightly stuck in the mud, lost a shoe on the way, and tumbled face-first toward your destination.
I’ve been there. You’re not alone if your anxiety is holding you back. It’s okay to admit you need help getting over the “hump.” A lot of mothers do! It’s going to be so freeing to dump the “hump” once you “get over it.”
Bothered Mom to Mom-Possible
Aim for the bulls-eye and keep an eye on the target. It’s just within reach! Think of this process as training for a marathon. It will take patience, hard work, and practice. Put the bother behind you and get ready for the possible. The process of empowering our anxious minds and transforming our thoughts will require all of the above. So, be ready to put in the work.
Consider a visual aid to guide your journey, such as a journal. It’s a nice way to privately log your efforts and reflect upon your thinking. Declutter the chaos of the day, on paper, and organize your thoughts freely at your leisure.
Write accomplishments when you may have self-doubt as a good reminder that you are overcoming your anxiety, one step at a time.
You are already on your way to a more calm and collected mind. The anxious mother within you is slowly fading away to yesterday’s mindset & possibility is attainable. You now are entering a path of empowerment, transformation, and peace.
Ready, Set, Go…
Step 1: Get Honest with Yourself
Are you really putting yourself first? Think of it this way. When we think of our expectations of other people (those that enrich our lives) we expect loyalty, honesty, friendship, communication, encouragement, etc.
But, do we have that same expectation of ourselves? We are our own biggest ally (or should be). Yet, we don’t even hold ourselves to the standards we hold for others.
Do you encourage yourself, daily? Are your standards of others so high they’re not attainable? Do you use positive self-talk when you’re feeling uneasy?
Expectations of an Anxious Mother: Are They Working For or Against You?
We surely don’t want our children to lie to us, so, we should stop lying to ourselves. It’s not working in our favor.
For example, it’s great to have high standards. Perhaps we’re seeking a new relationship and expect car doors to be opened and told we’re beautiful daily. It’s unlikely to find this (that is if we’re seeking it to be a daily recurrence). But, too high of standards?
Too much of a good thing…sometimes, it can work against us.
The reality is that if we set the bar too high, it sets the foundation for an anxious mother to exist.
We lie to ourselves when we set expectations that are just…not realistic. But, we’re not doing that anymore. We need to clear the mind of deceitful thinking and make room for empowerment.
Overcome Deceit & Fear Less: Commit to Take Charge of Your Mind
Now, let’s think about this from the perspective of what causes anxiety or stress in motherhood. Are we allowing ourselves to entertain ideas in our life that are maybe too much of a good thing? Are we setting standards of ourselves that simply are too high? Be honest. Maybe we are expecting too much of ourselves, so much so, it’s slowing down our momentum to live fulfilled lives.
Are we being selective in the boundaries we set? Do we allow toxic relationships in our lives or around our children because we aren’t confident in saying “no”? Now, we’re allowing anxiety to decide our outcomes. Because, if we’re being honest with ourselves, we’d probably cut out a few of these less-than-positive relationships.
The overall idea is that allowing ourselves to be honest in our thinking, our boundaries, and our expectations allows us to be in charge, not our anxiety.
Step 2: Self-Reflect on Your Thinking
To prepare ourselves and get in the right mindset, we need to acknowledge that maybe our ways of thinking aren’t exactly setting us up for success. Let’s consider a quick example.
Do you give yourself grace when you lose your patience? Or, do you expect yourself always to be a “perfect” mother who remains calm? The latter of the two is unrealistic. We’ve let the idea of perfectionism begin to control us.
Because we’ve all been there…angry at ourselves for losing our patience with the kids. That notion of perfectionism (which is unrealistic) is now allowing us to be upset. In these moments, it’s like we’ve given permission for anxiety to dictate how we should feel as a mother.
Anxiety says to be perfect. Perfect didn’t happen. Now, we’re disappointed.
It’s more efficient for us to engage with our brains differently. We should expect to grow in our experiences and learn from them. We messed up with this or that. But, it’s okay because next time we can do this instead.
When we’re anxious, are we actually in control of our thinking?
Step 3: Gain Control of Your Anxious Thoughts
Now, we’ve filtered out thoughts. We’re clear-headed enough that we can grant ourselves the capacity to be in control of our thoughts. Yes, it’s wonderful to strive to be a great mother and have goals for the way we want to raise our children. But, when we strive for perfection, set standards too high, or set unrealistic goals, those things begin to control us.
No longer.
Control your anxiety by giving your thinking intention and purpose.
Allow yourself to have control over ideas and not let the ideas control you. This is something you can control.
Decide that the anxious mother you identify with is a product of yesterday.
Relinquish control to realistic thinking and the outcomes of situations will be reasonable to manage.
Step 4: Prepare, Excite, Engage
Remember, this is a marathon. Patience. Hard work. Practice. Be honest with yourself, self-reflect on your thinking, and gain control of your thoughts. We’ve prepared (and cleansed) the mind for a clean canvas to “paint our future.”
Let’s get excited for change! The only way to move forward is to take the steps! We know as moms we’re already so busy in the day. We don’t need to be busy in the mind entertaining our anxiety any longer.
You are a powerhouse! Think positive, engage your thoughts with intention and purpose, get in charge, and be the boss of your anxiety.
Empowerment and positive thinking are within reach. Believe in yourself.
I believe in you.
Tidbit about Anxiety and Postpartum
It is worth noting that anxiety disorders are very real. If you or a loved one are experiencing symptoms or you believe that you are an anxious mother, you are encouraged to seek professional help. In a 2018 study, 1 in 5 women were found to be highly anxious during postpartum. It is time to break the stigma around anxiety. Your mental health matters. You matter!
Nakić Radoš S, Tadinac M, Herman R. Anxiety During Pregnancy and Postpartum: Course, Predictors and Comorbidity with Postpartum Depression. Acta Clin Croat. 2018 Mar;57(1):39-51. doi: 10.20471/acc.2017.56.04.05. PMID: 30256010; PMCID: PMC6400346.